late night thoughts

So here it is Friday night at 12:28 a.m. I feel asleep in the 10 p.m. hour. As I was doing so, I thought to myself, I really would like to make those overnight rolls for the kids and hubby for tomorrow morning, don't fall asleep. I also thought, I just put a load of clothes in and would like to get them in the dryer so they don't sit in the washer all night, don't fall asleep....what did I do..fell asleep! However, either because I fell asleep on the couch with no blankets and an open window and it being in the 50's I beleve or because I heard my hubby banging things in his computer room as he is working on something, it hit me, get up and get these things done and ready, so there I was in the kitchen 11:50 p.m. starting to make monkey bread! Then it occured to me, with all the conveniences today with food kits, fast meals, eating out, why is it when Brian and I both work out of the home have a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 year old, do I feel obligated to cook everything! This is the time I should be taking up the conveniences with a busy schedule, but then I think food wouldn't taste so good or I can make what I just paid double what it took them to make it for or I should try to make it healthier and then I spend time on it or get up at crazy times to prepare things or do what I do best and don't prepare and end up taking a long time doing that when I should be entertaining or hanging out :) Then I thought about my parents and how much they/my dad liked to go out to eat because they didn't care for cooking anymore or cooking for just one or two. Then I thought (apparently I think too much when it's totally quiet and everyone is sleeping or not around me, ha), wouldn't that be the best time to cook, when your either alone or for two to really enjoy the foods and enjoy cooking and not have to worry about picky eaters, you could do what you want to do. So this will hopefully be here in another 30 years so I can see what I'm like, to cook and enjoy it when the kids are out or to cook and enjoy it me and Brian....

Then I thinking, it like little sides notes off of original thoughts, this is why I should be keeping up on blogging or keeping up on my journaling, so I have a friend who enjoys the same hobby as myself and enjoys doing things together, which I love and actually really want, but then at one time it's like I get too greedy adn want to do something by myself to get more customers, even though that's not what it's necessarily all about. So tonight it hit me, why can't I just be grateful for her friendship. She's a total diamond in the rough, was there for me in the hospital with my mom, is so supportive and listens and empathizes with me. Then it also hit me, it's because I'm jealous of her being a little bit more successful than I am with it and that also isn't what it should be about. It's about being successful in what I have and grateful for everything I have in my life at this moment, not what I can have, not what I want to have, but what I do have and with that, I say bring on us doing things together, creating friendships and having fun, because that is what it is all about! I enjoy little epiphanies during an evening, haha

Then lastly, my wonderful, goofy, say what you want in public children. Though it is mild, my sweet little princess pea-pod left me in awe and taking her out of the store. We pick them up from daycare and they are ready to go on their next adventure, hungry, ready to go, so we went to the grocery store with their grandpa, who gets them automaticallly to a different level of giddiness and excitement. So they did good right away, until she wanted to walk on her own, and then she gets this freedom kick and decides to do ballerina twirls in the aisle, not paying attention necessarily to her surroundings (one time she swung right into another little girl and made her cry, nice) and sing and be loud and silly, so we were walking and for whatever reason she started to call every female grandma and every male grandpa. It didn't make a difference how old they were or not, everyone was grandma and grandpa, and I just got embarassed when she called this one gal who was in her 40's assuming, as she had a teenager, grandma. You could tell the lady and her daughter heard little princess pea and were not acknowledging her because why would they she was saying grandma until she kept repeating herself getting louder and louder towards them. I couldn't take it, so I took her to the van. Thankfully she didn't make a total scene, but really?? Then I thought, should I have done it, she's only 3 1/2, isn't this what they do, isn't this what makes them, them, but then I thought, hell yes! She was crazy silly, loud, and needed to be contained, hahahaha. So that is that. My two cents for the evening. If you are someone and reads this, thanks! Glad I can be here randomly to take up your time :)

Cheers and Carpe Diem!

Made by Rae Jackpack Backpack GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Made by Rae Jackpack Backpack GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

an e-mail

I received an e-mail today that I thought was very good, so thought I would share it. I'm never totally sure if the information of where it comes from is right, like so and so wrote this or this is a true story, etc., but thought the "lessons" were good to ready. So enjoy:


Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19.. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words' In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Holy cow, it's been since November 08' since I've posted!!! Wow, so I obviously can't fill in the blanks between November and now or I would be typing forever and since I'm at work on a lunch, I only have 40 minutes or so. So with that said, here I am back at the blog since I've missed it and missed listening to my music on here.. I love music!! I really need to get a computer at home that I'm allowed to type on :) My harddrive went to pots boon ages ago, Brian's computer has slowly been going to pots and now he has a new one and was going to fix mine, but low and behold his harddrive from his old computer doesn't fit mine..solution let me borrow his until we get mine fixed..notta, apparently we can't share, whatever..hehe.

So we're house hunting trying to sell ours. That's something in itself to go through. Decluttering, insanity! Now it's pretty well decluttered except for the poor garage, so we'll try to tackle that some day, and now we just hope for someone who would love to live in Chatfield (which is a fantastic town) and in our house, which I'm going to sadly miss my kitchen. Once in a great while, I even get a tear thinking about it...hmm.

What else, kids are growing so quickly. Lexi is just a riot! She's 3 and funny!! Yes there is a slight "typical 3-year-old" in her, but we're pretty fortunate with her. She likes to obviously copy things you say, but she also likes to pretend to be mommy, so she'll lecture little man when he's doing something he shouldn't be or try to prevent him from doing something. She also likes to tell Brian things like "daddy, get your son" haha. We heard that last night. We're still waiting for potty time to kick in. We need to take the time too to work with her, but until she says yes I want to go, we're waiting for her. A few times I haven't asked her if Wy is going to be potty trained before she is (he's 19 months younger) and she said yes. Good times! Wy man is getting bigger and funnier. Not saying a whole lot, but words are starting. We're truly blessed with these two and I can't be more grateful for them! Lexi's trying to figure out when the next holiday she gets a new movie and chocolate for, unfortunately for her, it'll be awhile :) I do tend to have that mommy guilt a little with working with the kids with letters, numbers, writing, etc. We worked really good with Lex until Wy came aboard, now it's been just spending fun time with them. Our daycare is spoiling us with teaching them the basics and I think we've been taking her for advantage. We love her to pieces though, she's fantastic with the kids! So if anyone reads this and has games, learning tips, feel free to post them!

My Stampin' Up! life is going on. I really need to get going with that. I absolutely love being a demo for SU and love their products, creativity outlet, meeting people, etc., but seriously need to get busy with it by having workshops, etc. I have good intentions, but my intentions seem to be more good ideas than something actually coming out of them. That's a frustrating part of my personality that I get annoyed by. Hopefully someday, I'll be able to do everything I want to do. I have some dear friends who just stay up after everyone has gone to bed and do their things, but I'm one who likes sleep entirely too much and doesn't like to be depedent on my coffee, though I have started the addiction again, that darm caffeine! I did give him up for about 9 days and I felt good, didn't miss it too much, but then we had a night where little man didn't want to sleep and we had to work the next day..uff da! When I sit a computer all day, sleepiness does not go away, so the addiction began again. One of these days I'll try to give it up again....maybe when the kids are 18 haha.

So to the woman who started me to blog, my mom. I kind-of started this as a therapy to express my feelings of losing her. So I have John Denver's, Annie's song, on my tunes on here, which is playing now. That was a favorite of my moms, so much we had it on our wedding, and I requested the same person who sang it for our wedding to sing it at her funeral. Hence, why she's made it on my blog notes today :) I miss that woman more and more. I realized that the first year a loved one is gone, it's numbing. Going through the emotions, trying to figure things out, dealing with things, numbing. Then the second year, it hits a bit more. Memories for me have become a little more clear, as it seemed with the numbness they were foggy, which made me feel terrible and guilty, but they're coming back. Last night I was praying and told God how much I missed mom and to give her a hug for me and started to go through all the things I missed about her, having her there for friendship, support, mom knowledge, someone to share our hobbies with, someone who adored my kids and they adored back (though little man was only 4 months old when she passed, but Lexi, G-ma Fisher was her favorite), someone to go to when I needed to complain, and someone who got me and loved me unconditionally even through my flaws. So you would think, thinking of all these things, especially meaning so much to me, would make me cry, but they didn't. So I'm trying to figure that one out, but than came to a tiny conclusion that maybe it's because I was so blessed to have her with me, and that I truly have no regrets about my relationship with her and how she passed. I hate it was a car accident that took her, but hearing how she was progressing/declining and knowing how she would be medically, I have no regrets that we let her go and I keep remembering that she passed in 8 minutes which obviously told us how bad her condition was. I just remember how beautiful the passing experience was and how beautiful and at peace she looked afterwards and I think that helps me be strong about things and knowing it will be okay. But man, I truly miss her and hate she's gone, but having no doubts where she is and that she's with her loved ones, also brings me peace. I've been blessed to have her in my dreams and it's so weird because it's mom. It's her after she's passed. I have these dreams and am carrying on short conversations with her about how things are now and then once I realize this, I become conscious and wake up, that sucks when that happens. But to me that means she's with me even more. Okay, so that's my after life wisdom I'm learning and realizing. Just a shout out to my mom. I Love You Forever and Unconditionally! Wonder if they have computers in heaven, haha, totally doubtful!

Well hopefully I'm back to the blogging life. Thanks for reading and Carpe Diem!

Taking in a moment

So tonight I decided to FINALLY make homemade playdoh for Lexi. I told her boon ages ago I would it on a rainy day, etc., but for the past few days she keeps asking me about making playdoh, so I thought let's do it tonight! So I turned on KROC FM and was dancing around the kitchen making playdoh. She came in when it was time to mix the colors in with it. She let me do it because she saw her fingers turn color and she can be a little finicky when it comes to her getting "dirty". So she started playing with it and it was just fun to watch her. I then decided to make some cookies too, so I took the already made ready to put in the oven chocolate chunk cookies out and made those too. It was just simply fun and nice to watch her and take in the moment and "get it". It was an hour I was totally focused on her and the time we were playing and have our time. What a great feeling and a great end to a night.

So a side thought. Lexi will be 3 in Feb. and she's so funny and articulate (pround mom bragging). We have the Curious George movie in the van that we watch all the time when we're in the van. So junior is a not-so-nice guy. Lexi's in the mode where there are bad people and good people now, so junior is a bad guy. So she announced that when he wasn't being very nice and Brian said he's not a bad guy, but just not nice...or something to that effect. Then Lexi said "daddy you're crazy, he's a bad guy dad....your crazy daddy." I LOVE THAT GIRL!! She's just an innocent full of life girl. Love it!! It's going to be funny hearing what Wy has to say when he gets talking :) Apparently at daycare then she was "talking on the phone" and kept saying daddy's crazy...daddy's crazy....mommy's crazy" Too funny! That's what we get for teaching her that word. So if you know her and she ever tells you you're crazy, it really means you're silly, goofy, etc. Not that you belong in the looney bin or anything, haha.

thought

So as I was on lunch and walking (to go get lunch, not exercise, though I should do that, haha), I was thinking of my mom. I was thinking about a pie auction that is coming up with our church and found out they are doing this in memomry of her. As I've mentioned before she was very active with the church in various committees/groups and loved it. So this pie auction, they ask you to make pie(s) and they auction them off to make money for things for the church. I've never made them before because I'm not a pie maker, and I know she asked me to make some and I know I probably made every excuse under the moon to not make one. But this time it's different. I wasn't going to make any, until a co-worker and I were talking about it, and she basically made me feel guilty is what it comes down to. So fine, I'm going to make two pies, for sure one will be a pumpkin cheescake swirl pie and not sure what the other one will be, am thinking either key lime or a chocolate pie. So then I was thinking why is it I do these things I wouldn't do when mom was alive. Am I doing this out of guilt because I didn't do it when she asked and now I "have" to. Or is it more of doing it to keep her alive and staying active in something she would be active in. Not exactly sure, but I'm wondering if that is something people struggle with, are their thoughts/memories guilty or are they to keep the lost one alive. I or they may never know, but I think it's something to ponder to help find peace in oneself and "peeling" another layer of that stinky onion (read previous blog to know what I'm talking about). Then another thought came to me when one is depressed it's hard to be around others who are depressed, going through hardships, enduring their own loss, because something they say or are going through could spark what you are and if you're not ready to deal with yourself you're certainly not ready to handle their issues too. So once again, another personal choice is "moving on", deal with your own issues so you can help those who need it. But then why are you helping them, to not deal with yours, to deal with yours, or simply because they need you and you know it's the right thing because they're too close to you to not help?? That's a choice one has to make, again in my personal opinion, to help one move on and grow. I guess you could say that would be where a horrible experience turns into a blessing. When I first heard of mom's accident and in the hospital until after the funeral, I was in a focused zone, which I have to tell you I'm never in that zone :) So I was talking about that with some people I know and a friend said "that was what your mom taught you, how to be strong, it's the inner strength you didn't even know you had". It's true, so I think that's also true with the whole onion peeling and closing back up, you're learning something about yourself with the experience you went through and in the end it's making you a stronger and hopefully better person. I guess you could say a bitter sweet revealing of oneself. Ironic! So there's my wisdom for the evening :) or at least two cents...Carpe Diem and Good Night!

One day at a time…I know you’ve heard it before, but this little statement has really helped me throughout the last year…and today, too!! Lower the bar, too! When it comes to placing expectations on yourself, simply don’t!! Simplify…

So I love this quote that a dear friend of mine and my husbands (he was originally my husband's friend, that's how I met him and am grateful I did), anyway, he lost his incredibly awesome wife unexpectedly a year ago in October and e-mailed me the quote above to actually pass on to my dad, but what a great saying for everything in life and yes of course of the reason he sent it to me, in dealing with loss of a loved one.

So don't you love the innocence and simplicity of a child's mind. Yesterday was a hard day for me at church as it was All Saints Day. Church has been and will be for a very long time the hardest place for me to go to since losing mom. Church, God, her faith, christianity was so important to her and made my mom the woman she was. She was very active in church singing in the choir, being active on many counsels and groups. So she was the main reason, besides God of course, for me going to church. Anyways, we went yesterday as they did something special for those who have past in the last year for All Saints Day. When you went up for communion, you lit a candle in remembrance of those you've lost. I had no idea it was going to have the effect that it did on me. I went up to take communion, say her name, with others, on a banner and got teary eyed remembering her funeral as it was the same church of course. Then lighting the candle and realizing why I was doing it, hit me. I went back to the pew and lost it a little, tried to sing the closing hymn and couldn't. However, while I was in the middle of this emotion our friends were sitting in front of us with their children and they have 3 beautiful girls, the youngest just turned 2 and is very lively and wonderful. She was looking at me and being all cute and we were "playing" a little. I love that though we, as adults, go through so much emotion with all the responsibility we now have in our lives, what we've been through, what we've learned so far, that kids keep it real, simple, and enjoyable. So a huge thank you to Ava who helped me get through the tough moment in church and realize so much through just a little game of peeks.

So moving on from the emotional stuff :) Check out my Stampin' Up! website, http://www.lynnae.stampinup.net This is very exciting for me to get back in the game of stamping. I also am waiting for my wonderful husband to find the software, or whatever you call it, for me to download my pics of cards and crafts. So hang in there with me. Once I get that, I hope to post things at least twice a week.

Take care, happy stamping, and as per my blog logo, carpe diem.