Taking in a moment

So tonight I decided to FINALLY make homemade playdoh for Lexi. I told her boon ages ago I would it on a rainy day, etc., but for the past few days she keeps asking me about making playdoh, so I thought let's do it tonight! So I turned on KROC FM and was dancing around the kitchen making playdoh. She came in when it was time to mix the colors in with it. She let me do it because she saw her fingers turn color and she can be a little finicky when it comes to her getting "dirty". So she started playing with it and it was just fun to watch her. I then decided to make some cookies too, so I took the already made ready to put in the oven chocolate chunk cookies out and made those too. It was just simply fun and nice to watch her and take in the moment and "get it". It was an hour I was totally focused on her and the time we were playing and have our time. What a great feeling and a great end to a night.

So a side thought. Lexi will be 3 in Feb. and she's so funny and articulate (pround mom bragging). We have the Curious George movie in the van that we watch all the time when we're in the van. So junior is a not-so-nice guy. Lexi's in the mode where there are bad people and good people now, so junior is a bad guy. So she announced that when he wasn't being very nice and Brian said he's not a bad guy, but just not nice...or something to that effect. Then Lexi said "daddy you're crazy, he's a bad guy dad....your crazy daddy." I LOVE THAT GIRL!! She's just an innocent full of life girl. Love it!! It's going to be funny hearing what Wy has to say when he gets talking :) Apparently at daycare then she was "talking on the phone" and kept saying daddy's crazy...daddy's crazy....mommy's crazy" Too funny! That's what we get for teaching her that word. So if you know her and she ever tells you you're crazy, it really means you're silly, goofy, etc. Not that you belong in the looney bin or anything, haha.

thought

So as I was on lunch and walking (to go get lunch, not exercise, though I should do that, haha), I was thinking of my mom. I was thinking about a pie auction that is coming up with our church and found out they are doing this in memomry of her. As I've mentioned before she was very active with the church in various committees/groups and loved it. So this pie auction, they ask you to make pie(s) and they auction them off to make money for things for the church. I've never made them before because I'm not a pie maker, and I know she asked me to make some and I know I probably made every excuse under the moon to not make one. But this time it's different. I wasn't going to make any, until a co-worker and I were talking about it, and she basically made me feel guilty is what it comes down to. So fine, I'm going to make two pies, for sure one will be a pumpkin cheescake swirl pie and not sure what the other one will be, am thinking either key lime or a chocolate pie. So then I was thinking why is it I do these things I wouldn't do when mom was alive. Am I doing this out of guilt because I didn't do it when she asked and now I "have" to. Or is it more of doing it to keep her alive and staying active in something she would be active in. Not exactly sure, but I'm wondering if that is something people struggle with, are their thoughts/memories guilty or are they to keep the lost one alive. I or they may never know, but I think it's something to ponder to help find peace in oneself and "peeling" another layer of that stinky onion (read previous blog to know what I'm talking about). Then another thought came to me when one is depressed it's hard to be around others who are depressed, going through hardships, enduring their own loss, because something they say or are going through could spark what you are and if you're not ready to deal with yourself you're certainly not ready to handle their issues too. So once again, another personal choice is "moving on", deal with your own issues so you can help those who need it. But then why are you helping them, to not deal with yours, to deal with yours, or simply because they need you and you know it's the right thing because they're too close to you to not help?? That's a choice one has to make, again in my personal opinion, to help one move on and grow. I guess you could say that would be where a horrible experience turns into a blessing. When I first heard of mom's accident and in the hospital until after the funeral, I was in a focused zone, which I have to tell you I'm never in that zone :) So I was talking about that with some people I know and a friend said "that was what your mom taught you, how to be strong, it's the inner strength you didn't even know you had". It's true, so I think that's also true with the whole onion peeling and closing back up, you're learning something about yourself with the experience you went through and in the end it's making you a stronger and hopefully better person. I guess you could say a bitter sweet revealing of oneself. Ironic! So there's my wisdom for the evening :) or at least two cents...Carpe Diem and Good Night!

One day at a time…I know you’ve heard it before, but this little statement has really helped me throughout the last year…and today, too!! Lower the bar, too! When it comes to placing expectations on yourself, simply don’t!! Simplify…

So I love this quote that a dear friend of mine and my husbands (he was originally my husband's friend, that's how I met him and am grateful I did), anyway, he lost his incredibly awesome wife unexpectedly a year ago in October and e-mailed me the quote above to actually pass on to my dad, but what a great saying for everything in life and yes of course of the reason he sent it to me, in dealing with loss of a loved one.

So don't you love the innocence and simplicity of a child's mind. Yesterday was a hard day for me at church as it was All Saints Day. Church has been and will be for a very long time the hardest place for me to go to since losing mom. Church, God, her faith, christianity was so important to her and made my mom the woman she was. She was very active in church singing in the choir, being active on many counsels and groups. So she was the main reason, besides God of course, for me going to church. Anyways, we went yesterday as they did something special for those who have past in the last year for All Saints Day. When you went up for communion, you lit a candle in remembrance of those you've lost. I had no idea it was going to have the effect that it did on me. I went up to take communion, say her name, with others, on a banner and got teary eyed remembering her funeral as it was the same church of course. Then lighting the candle and realizing why I was doing it, hit me. I went back to the pew and lost it a little, tried to sing the closing hymn and couldn't. However, while I was in the middle of this emotion our friends were sitting in front of us with their children and they have 3 beautiful girls, the youngest just turned 2 and is very lively and wonderful. She was looking at me and being all cute and we were "playing" a little. I love that though we, as adults, go through so much emotion with all the responsibility we now have in our lives, what we've been through, what we've learned so far, that kids keep it real, simple, and enjoyable. So a huge thank you to Ava who helped me get through the tough moment in church and realize so much through just a little game of peeks.

So moving on from the emotional stuff :) Check out my Stampin' Up! website, http://www.lynnae.stampinup.net This is very exciting for me to get back in the game of stamping. I also am waiting for my wonderful husband to find the software, or whatever you call it, for me to download my pics of cards and crafts. So hang in there with me. Once I get that, I hope to post things at least twice a week.

Take care, happy stamping, and as per my blog logo, carpe diem.

Stampin' Up!

Exciting news for today, with the acceptance of my husband and his wonderful support, I signed back up to become a Stampin' Up! demonstrator.. YEAH!!! This is very exciting for me. It's a wonderful creative outlet for me that I absolutely love to share with my friends and family!! Plus I have the most wonderful upline, Nic, so am looking forward to starting up my old hobby again with a fresh upline!! I have 3 cards I need to get on here, but apparently I need to get some sort of software from the camera on the computer to download pics.. This is so not my thing, my hubby is the computer genius :) So I'll get the software on here and start downloading pictures! Also, I have a quilting retreat at the end of the month, I'm thoroughly anticipating, as Lord knows I have plenty of projects to finish and work on..

Until next time...Cheers!!

Another onion layer shed.

So try to follow the randomness of this note. I've started and stopped that I'm just going to plug at it to get some kind of post out.. :) So since losing my mom, I've noticed that going through the grieving process is like shedding layers of an onion. It makes you cry, you need to get through layers to get to the core, and it can be bittersweet. So I'm really terrible about sending thank yous....really bad. Just an idea of how bad I am, if you read my first post you will know that I lost my mom on January 26 from injuries from a car accident. I use to be a Stampin' Up! demonstrator for five years and quit last year before my son was born as I know myself and know that I would be way too overwhelmed to have two little ones, work, plus make time for SU. Anywho, if you stamp, especially are a demonstrator, people believe they are going to get a homemade card. See this is where I am bad. I feel so terrible if I have to buy a card, as I have a whole room with stamping products. However, if I don't have time to make a card, they just don't get one..I know it's terrible and I feel terrible. So anyway, feeling so appreciative of everyone who was there for me and my family when my mom past and receiving homemade cards from others, and knowing my dad had written like 400+ thanks yous (he used the funeral home cards they provided), I thought I could do like 50 or so. So I went on to make them, which took me forever and five years and now am making myself send them before I send Christmas cards to people. Now to the point of all of this...So I thought I was strong and "accepted" that my mom was gone. Ya, well as I'm starting to finally write them out, I'm so not!! I believed for awhile that yes time does make things getter better, um notta, I believe now that it's a numbness that starts becoming unnumb as time goes on. As I was writing out thank yous to my family, it was like a flood of emotion came back. Getting the phone call finally being able to realize what happened and replaying the hospital stay, hearing her progress/decline, hearing when we had to make the decision, hearing what friends and family were saying to me, being at the funeral again and seeing her one last time. It's like my heart is filling again with anxiousness and sadness. It sucks. Friends and family who have not gone through this will ask me all sorts of questions about losing mom, and I'm very open about answering them and going back to the time because to me people have to know for their own closure and knowing that I will be okay. Plus it's therapeutic to me. When I got the phone it was on a Thursday, my day off of work, the kids were in the dining room, I hadn't showered yet (it's my day off, ha), I was getting ready to go to my parents that night as mom and I were going to be going on a quilting retreat in Spring Valley, Minnesota, with her best friend and her daughters and others. We totally looked forward to the retreats, they were so fun, relaxing, and productive. We would talk about them as soon as we got home from the last one. Plus it was time for us to share together. So my husband called me on the phone that Thursday afternoon adn said "Lynnae, your dad called me and said your mom's been in a serious accident, I'm on my way home and will get you and the kids." I didn't know what to think, I just said "are you kidding, because that's really low and not funny, tell me your kidding." Obviously he wasn't and I could tell in his voice. I don't know what overcame me but I immediately got in a zone. I just paced back and forth thinking what do I need to do, who do I call, how can I check on her myself, what do I do, what do the kids need.... Then it hit me call the emergency room. So I did and I talked to a nurse who said she just arrived via Mayo One (Mayo Clinic's helicopter) and they had to resucitate her on the scene. It's like I didn't hear it, I asked him what he said and he said she quit breathing, but is breathing now, and that she was in serious condition and that's all he knew. Then I just thought who do I call next, my first call was her best friend who was going with us to the retreat. She couldn't believe it either obviously and when I go to the hospital there was Betty and her daughter Christa. They are our other family. I continued to call my aunt and uncle who live nearby and they didn't answer, as I found out later they were on their way to the hospital too. My aunt later told me that she replayed the messages and was glad my dad called to tell what happened as she couldn't understand my message. I didn't even think of calling my brothers until I was on my way. My one brother lived in Portland, Oregon at the time and didn't get my message until later in the day and my oldest brother lives in Mount Vernon, Iowa, and didn't get my message, until his wife got home, and I found out he was in Switzerland I believe.

So we get to the hospital and there are loved ones in a small waiting room waiting to see her. A nurse comes in to say they will be wheeling her by to take her to her room, but encouraged my dad and myself to come say hello, etc., though she was not awake...she never came to because of the extent of her injuries.

Okay, so I'm so extrodinarily sorry for doing this, but I'm not in the mode of writing this and haven't been since I did the thank yous and that was at work..So until I get in the mode again. Just remember Carpe Diem!!

I am

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

so....

So....I started this post last night, almost done, but I fell asleep. So I decided today to finish it up. HOWEVER, by one-year-old had apparently another idea for this post. Kids like computers, intriguing to them, so as he went off the couch, he took my computer with him, which deleted the entire post..apparently this is why I should do this while the kids are sleeping :) So off to play with him until his nap and hopefully his big sis will also be sleeping so I can start over. Gotta love the babes :)

Last night we went to a wedding that was very beautiful. It was simple and very pretty and there were quite a few nice touches to everything. As the guests came into the wedding, they had someone there taking pictures of the family, couples, etc. Before the picture you signed your names in a photobook where your picture was going to go. During the ceremony rather than a unity candle being lit, they had a sand ceremony where they had their own bottles of sand and combined each of the bottles into one for the same representation as a unity candle, but there obviously was different wording explaining it, very cool I thought! Also, I'm sure others have seen it, but instead of one cake, the had two sheet cakes and two stands with cupcakes on the 2nd and bottom tier, an assortment of cookies on the 3rd tier and the top tier had a small cake. I liked how they had such a great variety. Then the head table was in a square rather than a long table facing everyone. I like both, but the thing with the square is that I'm sure it's easier for the party to talk. It was an overall great wedding. Congrats Kari and Bryan!!

Cheers for now!

Charles Schulz Philosophy

Here's a great e-mail I received today from a wonderful friend, Kim (Hi Kim!!). Hope you enjoy it!

The Charlie Schulz Philosophy
(This is marvelous!! Scroll thru slowly and read carefully to receive and enjoy full effect)

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?
The point is , none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers.
They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies..
Awards tarnish.
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials..
the most money...or the most awards.
They simply are the ones who care the most.

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia !'

''Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!'

Random....

Those "security" words that are somewhat italiazed in a box or however you would like to describe them....who thinks of those??? Some are words, some are words with numbers, some are just letters. Really, is there a job out there for that!!

Traditions....

So for some reason when I'm at work that seems to be when I do the most thinking about life, what things need to get done for projects, around home, what I need to shop for, things about life in general. Maybe it's because it's quieter there than at home. No one is pulling at me, jumping on me (the kids use me as a gymnasium at home, not Brian jumping on me, ha....that would lead to a different post, ha), no singing on the tops of lungs, crying, you get the jist. So anyways back to the point. So as I was sitting there today and again reading different blogs (on breaks of course, haha), I was reading about different traditions different families have. I love that!! So now I'm inspired to figure out different little traditions with my family. One was seeing if there is paint or something I can get the kids to put their handprints on fabric, so when I have time or a quilting retreat where I need a project (haha, if you were to see my "stash" I have enough materials to last me to retirement and I'm only 32, plus I have material I inherited from mom, but lucky for me that's at their house yet), I can make some type of wall hanging, lap quilt, something with those squares of their prints. Oh....maybe I could get them to draw and see how that develops as they grow along with how their hand prints get bigger. My lands, I think I'm onto something!! See one thing you'll learn about me is I have many ideas, but get too overwhelmed with everyday life and the house and kids that creativeness doesn't happen, but I absolutely love reading ideas and thinking of them. So feel free to share!!! Anyways I love the idea of traditions and would love to hear what others do.

So Extra is on and Sanjia is on (American Idol contestant)...I CANNOT stand that guy!!! I hear his name and I squirm, I see him and get the heeby jeebies. He needs to not be seen just like Omarosa, who the hell is she and why do people waste their time on her!! Man-oh-man!!

So I have more I want to say, but am looking at my hubby and seeing his sleepy eyes, which are making me sleepy and need to get some card ideas picked out so I can get material together and go stamp away!!!

Have a good night and Cheers!

P.S. Something also to be warned about with me....I'm well known for interupting, I really don't mean to do it to be rude, but I can't help it when people are talking and I have a thought or question about that right then because I know if I wait until later it won't make as much sense. So anyways if at all you read these posts and notice I may leave ya hanging it's because my thoughts jump, also known as ADD :)

TTFN

random thought

You will see many of these random thoughts throughout this blog, but here is one I had as I was traveling to my dads to leave for Illinois last week. I saw a bull in a field with his eyes closed and his head tilted so slightly standing up...This leads me to the question, do cows sleep standing up?? I have an aunt and uncle who said theirs back in the day did not, but if that's the case, where did cow tipping derive from????

Again, random thought. Would love to hear what you have to say :)

So I'm an addict when it comes to reading/viewing blog sites of people I know or ones I find through hobbies I love. One site I just read was of an inspiring woman, Stephanie Nielsen, of which I found her blog (http://www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/) through portabellopixie (http://www.portabellopixie.typepad.com/), a wonderful blog of a talented woman who designs fabric and has many wonderful projects and patterns I envy! Stephanie sounds to be the mother I hope to be and to become. Tragically she and her husband were in a private plan crash which left her in critical condition, with 80% of her body burned and her husband with 30% of his body burned. They have four children and by reading her blog, her sister's blog (http://blog.cjanerun.com/), and hearing her siblings on the Today Show, it made me realize how important family is and how to Carpe Diem, "Seize the Day" of life and to do that the way you would want to be remembered and how you would want to live!

I am also inspired by my mom, LaRae Fisher, who was in a car accident January 24, 2008, and passed January 26, 2008, from injuries. She was such an inspiration to so many, especially me! She was my best friend, my go to person. She knew everything about me, 98% of the skeletons in my closet, and she still loved me unconditionally. I could talk to her about everything, random thoughts, stuff about the kids, complaints about work or my hubby (yes, believe it or not, haha), good news about anything. I could count on her 24/7 for everything and anything. This als0 makes me realize how dependent I was on her, but in talking with others, I guess I was just being a daughter and proving that a mother's job of being a mom never ends. We all, my brothers and I, said how she is the rock of the family. Several months after she past a guy from Stewartville who knows my parents even said how she was the rock, so that was so awesome for me to hear that someone who wasn't necessarily talking about the family, but just her in things she did daily, was a rock. This proves once again, Carpe Diem, and be the person you want to be and can be. Unfortunately my eyes are opening for the first time to so many things in life since she's been gone. This is a good and bad thing. Good because it's probably made me a tad bit more indepedent and made me grow up a bit (who am I kidding, that may never happen), but it is kind-of bad, because I feel like I may have put too much on her rather than helping her in some instances, when she was again the rock for the family and other groups she was. But again, do I regret anything, not really, other than I should have stepped up more, but again (again) it's making me realize more now, and I am hoping I am stepping up more now......I think....probably should ask my husband, ha! It also made me aware of what others really do go through to lose loved ones and although it does eventually happen, I wish it wouldn't because it sucks! Last week my great aunt passed away of a heart attack at the age of 86, now after losing my mom I can somewhat understand what her family is going through (although every individual is different from how their loved one passes) and it makes me very heart broken for them. Images of them getting the phone call, going through the steps of planning things, trying to figure out what needs to be done, etc., and then settling down and realizing things, it's a hard time and my heart goes out for them. I especially think of her husband, of I believe 62 years or so, as he was with her when she passed, in fact she fell on him from what I hear, and what he will be going through. I just have to pray for him and the family.

Whew so reading this, sorry to have babbled. My point to starting this blog is to share my thoughts (I will apologize now if I ever get carried away, haha) and my family of whom I love so amazingly deeply! We'll see how this goes, if anyone reads this cheers to you. If not, then I'll be using this as a life journal for thoughts, funny things my kids do/say, happenings with myself and family, and maybe even pics of my creative outlets (if I actually finish my projects).

So cheers!!